Life has taken a somewhat… interesting turn. For better or for worse, I can’t really tell right now.

     Some news in life is in order, I suppose. As I’ve been terribly inconsistent in my posting frequency.

     I’m single again (surprise surprise). Only this time, I didn’t fuck shit up. (Surprise for real this time.) I think I’ve grown to be someone who is better able to handle these relationship ordeals. Breakups, eh, I could still use a lot of work.

     The scenario was, I met a girl, got together with girl. Things are great. Out of fucking nowhere they’re bad. She proposes a break. I fight the break, eventually give in. Get fed up with the break, tell her it’s all or nothing. She goes with nothing. Changes her mind, and comes back crying to me (literally). We enjoy a relationship for a few days, and out of fucking nowhere again, things are bad. Apparently, her ex came back into the picture, got her self all confused. This guy is an abusive asshole, cheats on her, and more unmentionables. And yet she’s confused because ‘she doesn’t know if she still has feelings for him’ (maybe she doesn’t know, but I do.) so we end up broken apart again. Yay! What the shit did I do in a past life to have such ridiculous love affairs. I mean, if I didn’t press her on it, we might still be together. But I’m sorry, I don’t do love circles. Of course, I feel like shit for a while, but I don’t feel too bad today, for some reason. I couldn’t tell you why I’m okay right now, but I am. If I may sound somewhat naive, that stupid facebook horoscope was dead on yet again. It always is. And not where it’s all vague and shit so that it applies, but it’s specific as fuck and gets me every time. I’m sure it’s all coincidental, but still. It says I’ll have to make an important decision today too that I’ll look back on the rest of my life, but it’s getting towards the end of the day, so I don’t think that’s going to happen.

     Also, started working for ChaCha not too long ago. It’s ridiculous, but it brings in money, so I’m not one to complain.

     Today, I’ll take advantage of this good mood, and just relax. I’m single, looking (but not quite ready to jump on anything yet, really). Seems to be the most logical thing to do, anyway.

     I’m loving my nintendo 64 I got not long ago, as a side note. And I’ve been on a roll with making music. I will say this, if a failing or failed relationship brings one good thing for me, it’s a muse. When I’m depressed and frustrated, I can make magic.

      This post is getting really unorganized and topic hopping, so I’ll cut off for now. Peace

After a long absence, I am back, for things are bad again in life.

That girl I was with? Yeah, that’s done.

I suppose I’m not technically ‘single’ but on break, but it’s all the fucking same to me.

Apparently, she be havin troubles in life and can’t handle a relationship right now.

Fucking bullshit. Fucking retarded.

Every mother fucker on this god damn putrid shit stain of the universe has problems. Many with worse problems than you and still get by.

Jesus fucking christ. I swear, if things don’t look up soon, I vow to never love again.

It’s just not worth it.

Still waiting for my fucking debit card, goddamn I have no patience for the U.S. Postal service. It’s so fucking slow, and without reason. Whatever.

But yeah, life sucks. I hate it.

     Okay, so an update!

     Things with the new girlfriend are going awesome. We click so well, I hope it never ends.

     Last week, I fell off a cliff. Haha. I wasn’t hurt too badly, but had a mountain’s equivalent of road rash on my right side. Ouch.

     It’s been really freaking hot lately, but it just started to cool down, so I’m glad that that’s going on.

     I accidentally told my girlfriend I loved her when I got drunk that one time. Whoops! I played it off like I didn’t say anything or like it was just a normal thing to say because I didn’t know how she’d react. Think she bought it? I don’t. But there hasn’t been any weirdness from that, so I’m in the clear so far!

On the 4th of July, we had this big ass neighborhood barbecue. Around 50-ish people came. I was feeling like crap and shit, but got to enjoy it a little.

     Oh, yeah, I’ve been feeling like crap as of late.

     I’ve found a ‘job’. Setting up bank shit soon so I can get monies.

That’s about it though. I’ll update as time goes on as usual. But right now, I’m in the mood of just typing shit short and sweet. Long rants aren’t my style right now. (or maybe I’m just lazy)

It’s quite humorous.

The second I feel sane,

I come accross a photograph of your face,

And I want to tear the skin off of mine.

The very second I’m reminded of your existance,

I want to demolish you.

I want to hear you scream.

I want to forget myself,

I want to rape your goddamn brains out.

It would mean everything to me to watch you squirm.

I would finally feel human to know you have been reduced to maggot feed.

No matter how much I try to pretend I’m sane,

I will never kill this, I will never kill you.

If I peeled your skin from your bones,

and crushed your bones to dust,

I’d still be breathing in your remains.

You are like hydra, you cannot be slain,

but I can cut you a thousand fucking times,

and each time I’ll feel good.

I just wish you didn’t come back afterword.

When will I be free of your black curse.

I thoroughly believe the wound will stay long after my demise.

Haha XD

An extremely rough demo for the song ‘working girl’ by yours truly.

Recording in a one shot effort to get the idea down until I can either get my studio equipment back or get into an actual studio to record it right. Some of the lyrics arrangement might change a bit until I can get it exactly how I want it, but will suffice to give a general idea of what the song will sound like.

lyrics

Sometimes I believe you’re on the corner of a street
getting knocked up by a guy who’s got more cash than me
But if I told you this, you’d probably leave
and I’d die a virgin die alone without your disease

Sometimes I wonder what you do when you’re not around me
are you having sex with all the people that I hate
when I close my eyes I see a mans tongue down your throat
There is no evidence of this but I vow that I will find proof

I feel like I am not the only one that likes to feel you up
And that one day when I am not around you will get knocked up
and the next day you will say baby you need to talk to me
I’m pregnant and this childs yours so baby please help me

No doubt about it I’ll know the child is not mine,
but I’ll keep my stupid mouth shut to try to buy some time,


Whoever thought that true love would be so hard to keep
there’s a thousand signs that show me that I’ve gone in too deep
and I can’t shake the feeling that someone was deep inside my girl
making me feel inadequate and wanting to hurl.

I’d rather fool myself into letting him call me dad
but whenever I’m alone with him he’ll look like my friend

Sometimes I believe you’re on the corner of a street
getting knocked up by a guy who’s got more cash than me
But if I told you this, you’d probably leave
and I’d die a virgin die alone without your disease

No problem, you have a nice day aswell!

Eyes blinded by malice
I strive to see purity
Although I know there is none.
I am fortunate to be drugged with naivety

Another day another curse
might it be a blessing in disguise
that I tend to forget who I am,
when you look past my eyes.

A thought thought by a fool,
ignorant of reality
for whence comes tragedy
If you pay enough attention.

And to know that this feeling
could be a temporary state of consciousness,
is enough to jump in front of a city bus.

     So, I was right with my previous prediction that something in my life was amiss. My intuition is beastly. However, I did fix things, I suppose, I’ll see how long the reinforcement lasts.

     Other than that, I’m still in a manic period, hopefully it dies down soon. I got a knew knife today :D It’s a fun new toy sure to keep me entertained for a day or two, haha.  but thats it, have a fun day

Something doesn’t feel right. There are bad winds inbound, and I’m not
too fond of this. Has something bad happened? I suppose only time will tell.
I want to sleep, but I can’t. I feel like I might miss something if I do.
Whatever it is, if it’s anything, I just need it to happen soon so I can get
it over with. It’s like I’m walking death row. Why is it you see the worse
things coming a mile away, yet you can’t dodge them?
Or, perhaps, I’m delusional. I don’t know.